~Confession and Reflection~

Decided I need to be writing more here. This new year holds so many promises but the one that I treasure most....it seems like I have a second chance to have the best year ever. I love Jesus Christ. He is my hope and stay. He is my pearl of greatest price. He is my one and only desire for this life and the next. 


I am realizing more and more that I am not perfect and not even near it. I know that may seem a funny thing to say but as I am learning (and that is continuous), I am seeing that I have many things in my character that need to be taken care of, that need to be conformed to the image of Christ. I see how I still say things that are not completely truth and are not honoring to the Lord....this really troubles me. I see how I get angry and yell....I stay irritated and I can't seem to bring it under control. I am lazy. I let my housework go unfinished. I know these are not the most godly traits and I do not want to keep them. I avoid doing things...this is a shame to me because I feel like I let my husband down when I do this....for instance, I do not like to make 'business' phone calls. I hate it. Things that need to be done are put off because I do not like to do this. I am not saying all this for any other reason then that I mean to change these things by the grace of God. I am sure if I sat here I could tell you many, many more. I have prayed the prayer so many times "search my heart, O God, and see if there be any wicked way in me." He has and, there is. 


I see this new year as a clean start. I do not want to drag these things into another year. Can I change them immediately? That is a complicated answer because I believe I can change them one day at a time. To get up out of bed and leave those things at the Lord's feet with my anguish over my sin...I believe He will change me as I am faithful to do what I know is right. I can pray for Him to change me but if I sit here and stay doing exactly what I have always done, I know that I am not intending to change and so does He. Faith, without works, is dead. 


I am reading 10 chapters a day in the Bible...I love doing this....it is not a struggle for me. I love the time in the morning, sitting with the Lord....some mornings, I find myself begging God to come and be with me. I want Him ever nearer. I am in awe of how faithful He is to me even when I am so unfaithful. I am in awe of His love for me and His unlimited grace that He has offered to me. I want my life to reflect that I am grateful. I want my life to reflect that I am thankful. I want my life, by my actions, to reflect my love for Him. This is why I focus on the Proverbs 31 woman. I did not believe that I would be able to attain this standard but I believed that God could do that work in me, I still do. I hope to share this journey as I pursue Christ, as I set my sights on Him, as I love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and love my neighbor (my family, my friends, strangers) as myself. May He bless us both with conforming me to His image, for His glory and for your encouragement and in answer to my prayers.